Negotiables of Raising Teens

Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don’t, you will ruin their lives.

I realize the subject matter I will discuss today is not only a hot button for many parents of teens but also for your teenager. I also know that you may not agree with my suggestions or even consider them, just remember they are merely suggestions.

Allow me to reiterate the thought from last week; “the only way to provide successful instruction and meaningful discipline is to have open communication with your teen.”

Raising children is the most rewarding and most challenging job you will ever face. Having a good grasp of what you feel is negotiable and what is non-negotiable will minimize stress and frustration with both your teen and your spouse.

First are things that can be negotiated:

• Clothes—I am not suggesting, anything goes method, (sexually suggestive, issues of vulgarity would suggest concern) what I am saying is that style is probably not a mountain worth dying for. (Remember style may/probably will change in two weeks)

• Music—I suggest you be more concerned with content than with style. In fact there is a great deal of good Christian alternative music for your teen. Be willing to research it with an open mind and offer it to your teenager.

• Friends—The truth is you have less control over this area than you think. However, the more you know the better you will be. Encourage them to hang out at your house rather than places you feel uncomfortable with. Make every effort to meet their friend’s parents.
  

• Bedroom—Teens need a place were they can have privacy but not seclusion. (My idea is that this area should also be kept clean, but that’s just my idea). Respect their space as much as possible while still parenting.

• Relationships—I can only speak to raising teenage girls regarding relationships. While some conclude that dating for teens is out of the question that is not the view I hold. You as a parent have the opportunity to teach your child how to properly handle relationships in this venue. (I believe it is called parenting where you set the guidelines and they learn to respect them.) You can read my blog “Sweet Sixteen” to see what I have done with both my girls.

It is very likely you can add to this list. However, if you can effectively accomplish these tasks other issues will be handled with ease.

Next, Non—Negotiables…

Pastor Ray

(Some content and ideas taken from LifeWay Christian parenting magazine October 2007)

The Teenage Years

Proverbs 22:6 Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it. (NLT)

The question was recently ask of me how Connie and I have been successful at raising two beautiful daughters who love God, honor their parents, and respect other adults in authority? (Remember you have seen our girls at their best, and while they are truly wonderful girls, like every child they have had their moments.)

“Keep in mind that more battles are won through diplomacy than through combat. Set rules for your teenager, and spell out consequences in advance. That way, when rules are broken, your discipline is rooted in enforcement of standing rules, not angry outburst.” (Quote from Life Magazine)

First of all the greatest tool for parenting is to have great dialog with your kids. Nothing will ever take the place of communication. You must be willing to talk with your children about everything under the sun. Without open communication you will never be able to successfully give instruction or provide meaningful discipline.

Providing an atmosphere where your child can talk to you openly is critical. This has been an area of great success for us. Your willingness to not only speak into their lives, but also listen to their concerns gives them the freedom to express themselves through every situation.

Next week’s article will cover the negotiables and non-negotiables.

Pastor Ray

"Life Style Evangelism"

I believe the greatest way to share your faith is not always what you say but how you live. People who feel hopeless are not nearly as impressed with our speaking as they are our living.

Our greatest ability to witness is through what I call "Life Style Evangelism". I truly believe it is perhaps the greatest witnessing tool at our disposal. However, while it is a great tool to win the lost, it can also be destructive if our walk doesn’t match our talk.

Here are some simple ways to share your faith…

• Smile more than you frown

• Laugh more than you cry

• Encourage rather than discourage

• Build up rather than tear down

• A kind word rather a harsh response

You may say that’s too simple, yet they all demonstrate the love of Christ. Christ never intended for the ministry of witnessing to be complicated. Acts 1:8 “you shall be witnesses unto me”. Our Lord doesn’t need an attorney he simply needs some witnesses... How's your witness?

Pastor Ray

Balance, Not Perfection...

Early in Ministry I concluded in my own mind that everything I did had to be perfect. The struggle of trying to do and accomplish perfection in ministry left me out of balance and often times out of touch. I wasted a great deal of time and energy on things that had no eternal consequence.

Discovering the difference between excellence and perfection has left me liberated and brought my ministry and family into balance. While I still conclude that ministry should be done in a par excellent manner, it does not necessarily mean that everything has to be perfect.

I can hear some of you who worked with me during my earlier years of ministry laughing as you read this blog. You are almost certain you have opened the wrong site.

Here’s the key; If you prioritize by purpose you will naturally find balance.

• What’s my motivation? Is it guilt, or God?
• What’s my first place of ministry? (My Family)
• Does it have eternal consequence?
• Is it worthwhile for the time and energy it will require?
• Is it something I will enjoy?

Make choices based on how God designed you and not on what others think and want.

Pastor Ray