The Joy of Relationship

I am of the opinion that everything in life evolves around our relationships.

• Our Relationship with God
• Our Relationship with others
• Our relationship with self

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart...soul and...mind'; and 'Love your neighbor as (much as you love) yourself" (Luke 10:27)

Love God first and best. Sounds simple, but it is not always that simple to accomplish.

When we experience difficulties with others, or we battle low self-esteem, the temptation is to deal with the problem at the horizontal level (people) rather than immediately checking the vertical relationship (Christ).

We tend to believe that human problems always have human solutions. This is not necessarily true.

The answer to our dilemmas...

Is not the outward look (to others), or the inward look (to self), but the upward look (to God).

This simple truth has the opportunity to transform your life. A healthy relationship with Christ will produce the positive self image to which is the basis for all of your earthly relationships. How you see other people is most often determined by how you see yourself.

Pastor Ray

(Recommended reading: The Joy of Relationship, by Robert E. Fisher. Some content taken directly from this source)

Affirming Your Children

Psalm 78:5-7 For he issued his laws to Jacob; he gave his instructions to Israel. He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children, so the next generation might know them- even the children not yet born- and they in turn will teach their own children. So each generation should set its hope anew on God, not forgetting his glorious miracles and obeying his commands. (NLT)

The healthiest families I know are the ones in which the mother and father have a strong, loving relationship between themselves. This seems to flow over to the children and even beyond the home. The strong primary relationship seems to breed security in the children, and, in turn fosters the ability to take risk, to reach out to others, to search for their own answers, become independent, and develop a good self image. (Dolores Curran)

I am convinced that children will get their sense of worth & value from their parents. When you speak in a positive, prophetic manner into the lives of your children, the result will be incredible. You must affirm to your child what the Word has to say about who they are in Christ. Be assured they will not get this advice from the world, the school system, or any secular environment.

The final thought is to remember nothing will take the place of your example. Your character will speak louder than your words.

Pastor Ray

"Fair But Firm..."

Proverbs 22:6 Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it. (NLT)

Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don’t, you will ruin their lives.

Contrary to what some may believe teenagers not only need, but also desire a set of guidelines from parents.

My discipline philosophy is “fair but firm”. Not every situation calls for the same disciplinary action. Just remember while time out may work for a three year old, it will not work for a teenager. If you learn to understand how your teen thinks, it will help you to understand the most effective way to discipline.

While it is important to discipline at the moment of the behavior with a child, that is not necessarily the case with a teenager. It may be that you and your spouse need time to sit down privately and discuss the circumstances surrounding the issue. Then sit down with your teen and spell out or perhaps even write out the guidelines and the consequence for breaking the rule again.

In open dialog with your teen regarding the disciplinary action, ask your teen if they feel you are being fair, or what part of the disciplinary action is unfair or unrealistic (expect anything). If there are some areas you can adjust fine, if not, explain your reasoning for the firmness of your discipline. Perhaps you can talk to them about concessions in the foreseeable future if the guidelines you set are strictly adhered to.

Learn to be responsive rather than reactive…It will make your life more pleasant and lower your blood pressure! (Rayology 101)

Pastor Ray

Non-Negotiables of Raising Teens

Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don’t, you will ruin their lives.

Again allow me to start by saying; “the only way to provide successful instruction and meaningful discipline is to have open communication with your teen.”

I was given some good advice as my girls were growing up. “Allow your children to make as many decisions as possible with minimal input from you.” This will build character and confidence in your child’s life. However, there are some decisions you will make that are not up for debate or question.

Here are a few things I consider Non-Negotiables:

• Church attendance is not optional: I don’t mean you take your teen to church, this means you go as a family.

When we first moved to Shreveport our youth group was rather small, as a result Heidi went through some struggles. The norm for her was 50-60 youth with live worship, multi media, full- time Youth Pastor. I researched some other AG youth groups in the area that she could attend on occasion and get involved with. Her spiritual well being was more important than my ego. If that meant we had to adjust for this dynamic in her life so be it. If you make this decision it is important that your teen stay connected to the youth in your church and the group they get involved with have the same doctrinal stand as you. This can be a tough balance but it can be done with great success. A good Youth Ministry can be a life line for your teen.

• Family Time: You create it, everyone participates. Sounds simple but is sometimes quite difficult. However, it is vital to your relationship with your teen.
• Respect: There is no quicker way to create a disrespectful teenager than to allow disrespect in the home.
• Honesty: Tough area but critical. Open dialog will help, but your teen will still struggle in this area when they have broken the rules. Stay with it, lying is not only sin it also erodes trust.
• Safety Issues: Physical safety issues are sometimes easier to deal with than spiritual. Last week I talked about respecting your’ teenagers space. However, you must be willing to monitor many activities that your teen is involved with. Movies, music, the internet, to name a few (view their my-space with them; ask questions it’s your right and responsibility as a parent.) Typically if they are keeping it pure they will not be bothered by your viewing it.

Good adults are created through proper training and discipline from loving parents. But remember, not every hill is worthy of a fight. (Author Unknown)

(Some content and ideas taken from LifeWay Christian parenting magazine October 2007)

Pastor Ray